just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
