So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize