I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
