She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
