I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
