Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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