He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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