East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
