I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
