I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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