Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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