I just made out with a guy for $7.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
