i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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