just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
