Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
