just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
