So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
