That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
