apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
