have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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