I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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