so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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