I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
