why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
