i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
