So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
