if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You're a waste of cheezeits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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