Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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