Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
