i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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