Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
