he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sarcasm needs its own font
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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