Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
