In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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