I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
