So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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