We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
