My hand turned me down
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize