I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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