but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
