You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh god the rape fog is back!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
