I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize