youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
