If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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