so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
