She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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