saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
