Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
