What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
foreskin is a definite game changer
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
