i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
