Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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