Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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