when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
