Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
