You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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