DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
