I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
