Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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