She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
