Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
