do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
