I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
