He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
