Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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