I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
