Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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