Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize