You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
