Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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