Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do vagina's smell?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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