I just saw a hot homeless man
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
