K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've blown a few things in my day
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
