i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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