I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
