She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
