Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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