just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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