great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
