he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
