In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
