So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
