The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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