Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
