I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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