Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
