tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
