I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize