i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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