I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
