i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
