I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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