there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
