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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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