I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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