Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize