About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
