i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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