I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize