He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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