I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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